I have not talked to Tami for some time. This has been a lonely time for me but full of challenges. I sent the following letter to her on March 18 to let her know some things that have happened and give her some information that concerns her so she can protect herself. I have blacked out a large portion of this as it is highly personal so that I do not embarrass her by having this made public. Let's just say that what I said, I am sure hurt her, this I am sorry for (I held this info for several weeks before I spoke up) but it was truthful and needs to be addressed by her. I have the proof of what I said to back my claims.

 

I also blocked out a couple comments that are potentially damaging to me at work.

 

I would encourage anyone that has read this to send her a card praying for her safety and letting her know that there are people that are thinking about her. Tell her that she is loved and is a beautiful and special person.

 

Mail to:

Tami Hembree

627 Cora Ave.

Akron, Ohio 44312

 

Tami 3-08-08 (at least that is when I started)

 

I hope that this finds you and Sugar well and I miss having both of you in my life. I have debated long and hard about sending this but there is so much that has happened since I last talked to you that I feel like I need to let you know. I only ask that you take the time to read what I have to say and then make judgment from there.

 

I will start with what I have learned from the doctors about my little trip to the hospital. I do mean doctors as I have seen a cardiologist on top of John. Both believe that I dodged the big one in January and that I was on the verge of a heart attack. The feeling is that the introduction of the nitro masked what was going on or about to happen and stopped what would have been a much bigger problem for me. I know it's weird but with that's the way my body reacts to drugs and so I can follow their logic in this. The first eco revealed something that has made me very uncomfortable in that they have discovered that I have a bad heart valve. This is genetic.  I have one valve that has two cusps instead of the normal three. This valve shows signs of some leakage and I have some aortic swelling. While they feel that these problems are not a threat at present they do want to watch this over the coming years. For now I have no swelling in my heart but that could come in time. If it does, then surgery will be required to correct the problem. For now we are not treating and I have been told to go about normal life but you know that I have been told to stop smoking and watch the diet. Both doctors got the speech from me that I would cut down but this is the only thing keeping my blood pressure down at times, sort of like it does for you. Cholesterol was in line for age and weight but because of my family history I have been told to lower the bad end.

 

Thinking back on what I have learned from this, this may have been the problem with my grandfather and my own dad. Medical technology has progressed to a point now where something like this can be found. I also have the fact that I am in a lot better shape than they were as my own dad was over weight at 235 lbs with my height. I could stand to put some weight on to get back to where I feel have best energy but I have never been able to do this since my divorce when I lost thirty+ pounds (like to be able 165 and have just never been able to get over 158).. For now things are on wait and see but I am hopeful that I will be around to torture my grandchildren when that time comes and I hope that is not for some time yet.

 

I did get John to start me on anti-depressants and that has been a wild ride also. My body reacts strangely to drugs and the first week on half douses was OK but when I started the second week on full douse, I became wired to the hilt and would be ready to crash out by mid-afternoon. I changed that after three days and now do half in the morning and half at mid-day and this has fixed that problem. John looked at me like I was out of my mind when I told him but saw my logic in doing this. These have helped at lot and I have to thank you for pushing me to do some about this as it is some thing that I should have done a long time ago.

 

These did take the wind out of my sails for awhile but I am getting the fire back into me and they have calmed me down. My highs are not as high and the lows are not so low although I still have good and bad days, they are manageable now. I should have done this a long time ago but stubbornness is a family trait and goes with being German.

 

My dear little bitch of an ex was spreading rumors around town that I was half dead and that I had a major heart attack. I did send Sue an email, even though I had not talked to her since I moved, to let her know that these rumors were false. She then decided to sic her new boyfriend of me telling me to leave her alone and that she didn't care if I died. He started making threats against me and I had to shut him down by contacting his internet provider and filing a complaint. This further goes to the abusive nature that she has and shows why I chose to get away from her. I more than likely would be dead now if I had stayed there.

 

Work is getting interesting. Things have changed a lot and you are missed a bunch around the store. There is a new method that we us to handle the freight and a new procedure for handling the out of stock items and overstock. Someone has to go thru the entire store after the truck is done and scan every out or open spot on the shelf. Now remember I was told that I could not retaliate for Roxanne’s and Nate’s crap last January when they complained about me so I volunteered to do the scan after every truck. What this is doing is showing Dave just how bad these two are at doing their jobs and he is all over them to get their crap together and do the job at hand as it is supposed to be done. Pay back is a bitch especially when one does it within the rules and I love it. Roxanne popped off one day about me scanning something that had two homes and one was empty and she was told that if she didn’t want it scanned to fill the home. She complained that my list was so small compared to hers and I told her to come back and I would show her how to run a department. She knew she couldn’t say anything because I was right. Nate is using his time in paint as his excuse for hardware being a mess. I suspect he is pencil whipping his reports on hardware and Ben is catching it from me for having to scan the same items every week in hardware and nothing being done to correct the problems. He is also catching it from Dave for not working the scans on time as he is supposed to do.

 

I will win the war and they will figure out that they should not have caused problems.

 

Robin is gone and they are fighting her unemployment for some reason although Janet tells her that she isn’t doing it. Sheri is gone as she left to work for Paragon in the Kent office (one more of my problem click gone). Amanda is gone because she has a “stomachache” that they can not find what it is and her doctor told her she couldn’t come back to work for six weeks. No provision for casual to take leave, one more stoner down. Dave B. is working his way to the door by fighting the changes to freight that he has to do now as he is required to sort all freight by aisle. He doesn’t know the store and drags his feet. Slows us down and it is will get worse as we start to get busier. I don’t expect him to be around much longer.

 

Disco is back!!!!!!!!!! He is only working truck days for now but thoughts are to groom him for receiving in the future and it looks like he will get some floor time soon. Damn glad to see the little idiot back in the fold and everyone is glad to have him back. He and I started off where we left off with the barbs and Gracie just laughs at the way we are to each other. He knows we work well together.

 

Bill Diekman is off for now as he has to have complete hip replacement surgery. He has gotten to the point that he can barely walk. Surgery is scheduled for March 19^th and the old man swears that he will be back. I did get him good a couple weeks back when I set him a dollar thru his neighbor and told him to go buy "tube steaks" on me. Neighbor said he almost went to the floor laughing. He sent the dollar back and said to save it for later when he needed it.

 

After the trip to the hospital I did ask why we didn't get any personal or sick days. I got a bit of a blank stare but it was brought up in the manager's meeting and now we get two per year. If we don't use them by the end of the year we got paid for them on the first check of the New Year. It's not much but it sure would have helped me with the pay for that week. Now I have them to use in the future if I have to. Sometimes it does pay to speak up and raise an issue that helps every full timer.

 

Now the big one- I have a new 'child' in the form of 5:08 CV 559,Northern District of Ohio Federal Court, Lautenschlager Vs. Summit County et al. (born March 4, 2008 at 2:25pm) The federal court has taken my constitutional challenge to Ohio's custody law and the procedures that they use for determining custody. This complaint must have hit a major nerve with the court as they decided to take the case with hours and had it docketed and back in my hands within a two days of my mailing. Even Mike Galluzzo was surprised at how quickly they did this as they took some time to decide to take his case in this matter. I was bouncing off the walls when I got the papers back and did not sleep much for two days. I was happy and scared at the same time but proud that I have gotten this far. This was one time when I really needed a hug to bring me back and calm me down. I am waiting now for the judge to decide if I have to pay the filing fees of $350 or not. I will come up with it if I have to but would prefer to not do it.

 

This has been a struggle and it has taken me two months to get it together as far as the exact language to use in the complaint. Meds kicking in and the slap down they did to me threw me off but as they kicked in, so did my brain and it all came together. Mike and I have spent a lot of time on the phone talking about this case and who to go after. I talked to a law student that had Mike's original judge as a professor. That Professor told him that he thought Mike was using the federal court to change his state court decision. While this would have been the end result it was not the basis for the suit.

 

We were looking for someone that was just going through a divorce to start with a fresh set of circumstances but had not gotten anyone to come forward (unfortunately most come to the front too late after the fact to start this way). We decided that since Kevan turns 18 in June, I presented the best argument to this and we decided that this was the chance that we had to bring this challenge forward. I can't overturn the state decision and have no reason to because by the time this hits the courts full tilt Kevan will be emancipated and I have nothing to gain by reversing the state court decision.  I can honestly state to the court that the ONLY reason that I am doing it is to protect my son's future. This takes a big stumbling block argument away from the state and local courts for me in this.

 

I did not hold back when I named defendants as I decided to take on the State of Ohio, Summit County Court, Judge Quinn, Magistrate Stoner, my ex and her attorney. Go after all of the actors in this and take them all to the cleaners and make them state their reasons for removing my parental rights with out due process of law. This is a very gutsy move as we did not want to have to fight the state in Mike's case but I figured that they would interfere if I didn't and if they are a party it takes a chance of back door politics away. This will be a war but it is one that I have to fight as a parent that is fit and was never proven to be anything less. I have a woman judge but research on her shows that she is supposed to be ethical and I suspect that this will help in the long run.

 

Kevan is watching for when they serve my ex as it will be federal marshals that do the service. Love to be a fly on the wall that day. There and at the court house downtown. I have had to get the websites ready and as soon as they are served will post the case information for everyone to see. This has been a lot of work to just get ready but it will make things easier as this case moves forward so we can post all motions and responses as soon as possible.  Prayer is holding me together on this right now and some good support from my team of friends that worked on Mike's case. We are ready to fight this out to the end. I am now working on things that I will need a couple months down the road for court so that I can have these filed as soon as possible and throw the enemy in a rush by filing quickly so that they have to respond quicker that they thought they would have to. Take time away from them so they make the mistake that I need. It has been years since I have done this much reading and most of it is stuff that you do not volunteer to read.

 

This is it; I either do this now or have to fight through the legislature which could take the rest of my life. God puts certain people together for reasons that take time to see. When Chuck, Mike and I were introduced there was chemistry that no one in PACE had ever seen. We all talked and said that the original case was one that anyone of us could have brought. I knew this was wrong when my original divorce attorney said I wouldn't get custody because I was male and they didn't do that in Summit County. Now we will prove how wrong this state has been for too long.

 

The Tim and Luann situation is getting more bizarre as time goes on. She now has a restraining order against him and had the police remove him from the house after he broke in a second time. He is drinking again and we have proof of that. He destroyed plumbing in the house when he was there this last time. I ended up going over to fix it for her. Then this week Tom W. gets a letter from him stating that he is going to sue the store because I helped her. I have assisted Tom in this as it was all done on my own time and NOT on company time. If he continues with this I will have to get a restraining order to keep him from harassing me at my place of work and turn him into his parole officer. LuAnn is embarrassed by all of this and I have done my best to calm her down on this and assure her that we will do what we have to do to protect the business and her in this matter.

 

As you can see the past couple months have been rather eventful. It has not been easy and there have been days when I have wanted to just pack it in and say that is it. There is not a day that goes by that you and Sugar are not on my mind. I miss both of you and the time alone has made me realize just how much I do love you both. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you and Sugar and seeing little things like Grumpy make me miss you even more. The day that I dropped off the Udder Cream, Sugar started barking and came to the window. When she saw me her rear-end was going a mile a minute and then she started licking the front window. She knew who I was and wanted me to play with her and seemed to wonder why wouldn't I just come in to be with her. This ripped my heart out and I walked away in tears.

 

I have had days that I needed a hug to keep going on these projects and it is not there. This is the first time in my life that I have been alone completely and that is wearing on me at times. I am getting support from many at work and Jim and I are becoming very close and talk often. It helps him with the health problems that his wife is having and helps me as I deal with everything. Helpful but not what I could really use at times as the walls don't talk back when I get 'home'. It seems at times that every step or turn I make brings something to me that remind me of you and Sugar, little things from Grumpy to a picture or even the blue lighter. Everyday I pray to God to bring you back into my life and I hope that someday soon my prayers are answered.

 

There are things that I am finding out that I am very surprised about that concern you. You always referred to the computer equipment and my set up as the "Man Cave" but let me tell you something about the "Man Cave" and what I have been doing with it and to protect myself from the various attacks on my reputation through the years. You know what a search engine is on the computer where you type in a phrase or word and information comes up about that subject. I use a version of this to search for comments that are made about me on various websites but this goes much deeper and more extensive than the normal search engines do and probe parts of the internet that most don't know exist. I was introduced to a program called a 'spider' or 'robot' that searches every thing on the web for a phrase or name by a friend of mine years ago after I was the victim of a web assault by some radicals within NOW. These radicals set up a campaign to discredit me by signing me up for every porno site they could find on the internet. I was able to back trace this to their leader and it backfired on her.

 

This program allows me to trace information back to the original ISP (everyone on the web has a number assigned to them as does every devise as well as cell phones) much in the way the government tracks hostiles. Spooky stuff to say the least but I have found it necessary because of my position within the parental rights movement. Didn't know I was a spook for the government? When one is doing what I do and dealing with some of the people I have to deal with, caution is not enough to protect a reputation that has taken too long to build. I have seen friends of mine taken down in a heartbeat by false accusations and I can't allow that to happen to myself.

 

The reason that I am explaining this tech stuff to you is so that you get can get a grasp on what I have found out that concerns you. I know that what I have to say may hurt but you need to know what I found and what my 'investigation' has turned up. I need to tell you this even though I know it will hurt or surprise you. I have never lied to you about anything and have no reason to now. You know more about me than any of my "blood" family. I have never wanted to hurt you but this information will help you as there are some things that are happening that could hurt you even more than hearing this. It is my love and concern for you that makes me bring this to your attention.

 

I ran your name one day through one of my searches and of course it comes up with the normal divorce, real estate records, police reports, phone numbers and court crap. Pretty normal stuff until it goes into the underbelly part of the internet where the weird stuff is. That is when I found what could be best described as compromising photos of you. Trust me they were you as I recognized the tattoos. Now unless you have a totally identical twin some where that has the same identical tattoos, someone is posting some pictures that I do not think you want to have out there for people to see.

 

I have worked with the server companies on these and found that they were posted by someone from the 44260 zip code. We could not trace it back any further than that for now. Only the good lord knows who has seen these but I did get the server company to remove them. With your conservative nature and shyness around cameras these are not something that I think you want publicly available. Companies are now using searches such as this to investigate their employees and are successfully using this to terminate even good employees for things that are out on the internet posted by themselves or others. That is one reason that I have been totally honest with Tom and Janet about my work with PACE as that shows up frequently in these type reports. Unless you have now gone to a dark side that I can't imagine then someone is out to destroy your reputation. No, it is NOT me as the time stamp on the photos is after I moved out, so your problem is somewhere else and it is not from my type camera (also stamped). My camera stamps everything for copyright purposes for me.

 

You are one of the most beautiful and special people to ever cross my path. How you can turn a blind eye to this type of abuse is beyond me. You are much smarter than this and know how important a reputation can be in this world. You know me better than to even think that I would lie about something this serious. Remember I am the one that quit a $52k a year job, without one to go to, because they wanted me to lie. I have principles and I have always stood upon them. I have always stood by you and always will be available for you at any time for any thing. You are the only woman that has shown me true love and that has seen the world through eyes in the way I do.

 

You told me once that you worried that you would lose everything if something happened while I was driving your car. This posting of pictures could cost you everything because if your employer finds these they will dismiss you. I have done everything that I can do to help you with this on my own but you need to do something on your own soon to prevent this from happening again. If it has been done once it may happen again and that scares the hell out of me for you.

 

I love you with all my heart and hope that you will see that some day. You have admitted that I am the only man to ever treat you like gold and I did that because I respect you as well as love you for being who you are not something or someone that I want you to be. Just you as you are. I miss the bright smile that you have every day, even when you wanted to kill someone for messing with you. I miss the hugs at the unexpected times. I miss holding you and waking next to you even if Sugar was lying between us. I miss having you to talk to when I have had a bad day and listening to you when you have had one. I miss simple meals together at the table. I miss getting coffee for you or finding it waiting for me in the morning as we both sat there like zombies trying to wake up. I miss the shopping trips when I didn't buy a thing but you seemed to find what you wanted (funny how we agreed on what it was you liked and didnt like).I miss playing hooky together as we did with the Browns game (should have done it more often, may be someday). I miss having someone that understands me to spend the holidays with. I miss being there to support you at the difficult times. I miss the back rubs, both getting and giving. I miss having my pocket buzzed or the unexpected phone call just to say hello or that you loved me. I miss having Sugar run across the floor at work to great me at closing. I miss the hand that reached out to tell me it was time for bed or the something else.

 

I need the strength you give me as I go through the next months to attain my goals. You worried when I told you what I was going to do that I would get hurt. That has already happened.  I can honestly say that I am heartbroken now with a broken heart. And do it with a smile because you were there for me when it really counted. You are the only woman to show me what love is and you are the last for me. I pray to God every day that it is together and not apart as it is now.

 

I love you both with all my heart and pray daily for your safety and that I have you back at my side to help me as all these "projects" move forward.

 

I recently sent Tami a list of "Love Quotes" around Mother's day to subtly let her know how I felt and that I was thinking of her. She also got a Mother's Day card from Sugar with a very small signature of "and her daddy too." Those quotes are located here.

 

 

________________________________________________________

 

I Can't Stop Loving you

 

Those happy hours that we once knew,
Though long ago, still make me blue.
They say that time heals a broken heart.
But time has stood still since we've been apart.
I can't stop loving you
So I've made up my mind
To live in memory
Of old lone-some times.
I can't stop wanting you
It's use-less to say.
So I'll just live my life
In dreams of yesterday.
Those happy hours that we once knew,
Though long ago, still make me blue.
They say that time heals a broken heart.
But time has stood still since we've been apart.
I can't stop loving you,
There's no use to try.
Pretend ther's some one new;
I can't live a lie.
I can't stop wanting you
The way that I do.
Ther's only been one love for me,
That one love is you.

 

Without You

 

Harry Nilsson

(Ham/Evans)

No, I can't forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way the story goes
You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes, it shows

No, I can't forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrows
When I had you there but then I let you go
And now it's only fair that I should let you know
What you should know

I can't live if living is without you
I can't live, I can't give any more
Can't live if living is without you
I can't give, I can't give any more

No, I can't forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way the story goes
You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes, it shows

Can't live if living is without you
I can't live, I can't give anymore
I can't live if living is without you
Can't live, I can't give anymore
(Living is without you)