"Once a tear fell off my cheek and
into the ocean, the day I find it will be the day I stop loving you". Anonymous
The following are some very personal letters that I have
given to a very special person in my life as we were parting ways for a time.
Had I met her years ago she would have been the mother to
my children and she is the only woman that has ever shown me love and that I
have ever truly loved. For now, we are apart but I have faith in God that this
will only be for a short time.
Right now she has taken to being involved with a guy that
is not right or good for her. She shows multiple signs of domestic violence in
this relationship and I am scared for her well being. When I saw her for the
last time at work it was very obvious to me that she was not in a good frame of
mind and that the situation that she has gotten into is getting to her. Frankly
she looked beat down mentally and exhausted. Exhaustion was her excuse for
leaving the store which has been a part time job for her. I know her moods and
can read her like a book, the entire time she looked
like she wanted to say something but couldn't because of her pride. She has
admitted that I am the only man that has ever treated her as gold and she can't
explain why she is doing what she is doing. I have faith in God that I will be
allowed to continue by her side in the near future.
I have left the door open to her to call at anytime and
have told her that she is the one special person for me. I can only pray that
she wakes up to where she is at before it is too late for her and before she is
physically hurt as she has been hurt mental now. I think that time is coming
soon and pray that it happens.
I would encourage everyone that reads this to send her an
email of support and tell her that there is someone that loves her very much
and cares for her deeply.
Tami,
So much has changed for us in the past couple months. We have seen good and bad and we will be stronger for that. My greatest fear is that we have miss understood some things that have happened or some things that have been said.
Let me make this clear, in no way did you come between Sue and me. That was over a long time ago and I was well on my way to getting away from that situation. She expressed that to you also the day that you helped me move. I had also told you that it was my intent and I was almost there until that situation blew to where I had to make a move or die trying.
Things did happen very fast for us in the beginning as the changes that were brought about did not make life easy for either of us. But I do believe that we were truly there for each other. This is something I do not want to change as the love that you have shown me as been the most important and caring thing that anyone has ever done for me. You have continued to shown me that with your efforts to assist me with my contact with my son.
This past few months have been the best of my life as your company and support have been very important to me. You have allowed me to regain the strength that was missing from my life over the past couple years. I had seen that in you before the move and knew that you would be a special part of my life from the first day that we went to the root beer stand and just sat and talked like a couple of teenagers. I deeply wanted and hoped that would continue and some day I hope that it does.
When I moved it was and remains to be my intention to stay by your side for the rest of my life in some way. I would hope that you would and do realize that I will always be here for you. I may not always be able to express it to you in words but I am deeply in love with you. You have become my security blanket and I would hope that I am able to do the same for you. There isn't a day that goes by that I do not miss holding you close. The last couple mornings I have woke very early and all I could do was watch you sleep as I did before many time before.
You seemed a bit surprised this morning when I told you to not worry about my getting home from work. You had told me that you had something to do and I did not want you to change your plans for me. I can always find a way to deal with the problem of getting to and from work. I gots legs. Please don't change a set of your plans because of me. If you ever think that I am interfering with your plans, speak up. If I am standing in the way of something that you are trying to achieve, please speak up and I will move on and out of your way or tell me what I can do to help before we lose what we have now as friends. You are too important to me for that to happen.
One last thing that I have to get off my chest goes to the days when we were sharing the same bed. You always seemed to worry that you were not experienced enough for me. I will say this now; you were and are the greatest lover I have ever been with. While sexual satisfaction may be important the mental aspects of being with someone that you care for with all your heart is the single most important aspect of lovemaking. You are that to me and much more. If you are the last woman, and you will be, that I ever make love with then I will pass from this world a complete person.
I love you with all my heart but please do not change for me. I love you as you are.
I love you.
ญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญญThis may explain why you have chosen the path that you are currently on. If I were a lesser man and not as deeply in love with you as I am I would have walked away. You do not see this or you are choosing to ignore it now. I am not too good for you; I am here and want to be here for you.
You have admitted that you can't explain why you have taken this path when I am the only man that has ever treated you as gold. I have stayed with you because of you, not sex, and I will be here for you and will do anything for you that you ask.
Facts are that your little buddy is the type of character that will stay with you until he has used you for his own purposes. When he I done he will throw you to the roadside like a piece of trash because he doesn't care as long as he is getting what he wants from you. He will ply you with minor gifts and sweet talk to keep you going down this path and then one day will decide that the grass is greener some where else as you have told me your ex did and mine did to me.
You have more class than to allow that to happen to yourself. The sooner you come to this realization the better you will be for it.
Right now everyone around you sees this except for you.
I may seam obsessed with this but the facts are that I do not want to see you get hurt and mark my words you will get hurt by this person. Right now you are rejecting the two of us (Sugar and myself) in favor of what I see as deep personal pain that is just waiting to happen.
Now I promised you I would stay out of this until you decided what you want but I truly fear for what this path is leading you to. It is hurtful to watch because I know where it is leading.
We have pitfalls and problems that have been presented to us in a relationship but they can be worked out. That will take both of us. I am more than willing and would hope that you will be also in the near future.
I have said my peace on this and hope that you open your eyes soon before you do yourself harm that will last for years. Both of us have had that in our past and neither of us needs it now or in the future.
A healthy and happy relationship should be good for your
self-esteem.
But it may be that your self-esteem wasn't great to begin with and although
your partner makes efforts to compliment you and build you up somehow you just
don't believe them!
Maybe you really love your partner but feel they are just too good for you and
that you are 'lucky to have them'
Perhaps you feel it's just a matter of time before they reject you in favor of
some one 'better!'
Perhaps your low self esteem in your relationship is even spoiling the
relationship itself. Low self-esteem can manifest as you looking for signs that
your partner has lost interest in you or prefers someone else or is only seeing
you because they pity you.
Low self esteem and defensiveness
Sometimes low self esteem in relationships makes you defensive and feeling like
you are being criticized when you are not! Low self-esteem can present as
over-sensitivity.
Some people with very low self-esteem describe themselves as 'unlovable' and
even say things like: 'He/She is only with me for
sex/money/out of pity/duty/until they meet someone better!'
It could be the case that you were badly treated and psychologically abused by
a previous partner who put you down, never said anything nice about you and
made you feel worthless.
It's easy to suffer lowered self-esteem when we've been in a relationship like
this.
But if we take these 'old feelings' into a new relationship then they can
really get in the way of a satisfying relationship.
This is like a bird that has been caged for many years finally having the cage
door released but, out of habit, not yet realizing that it can now actually fly
free!
Maybe a part of you kind of envies your partner's confidence or ease with
themselves.
Tami,
Even as I am sitting here writing this I know that I am violating the rules of Tamiland. I know but I have to say this and it will be the last that I have to say (you've heard that before also). Some of these are random thoughts so the order may not make sense at times (happens when one has a lot of time to think) I want you to read this all the way thru. I want you to think about what I have to say here but I do NOT want you to call me and start yelling. (You can call if you want to talk.) There has been enough of that and neither of us needs that. We are both mad at each other now but that will pass soon. I have also included some timely emails that I have received lately for your entertainment (in the envelope in office).
Since I moved in you have shown me more love than any one person in my life. How we have gotten to this point has been a series of missteps on both our parts. I can only hope that some day we can look back at this and laugh and work to get back to where we once were and improve on it. I knew the first days here that I was in love with you but I did not say it because I did not want to freak you out. The day that the words came from you meant more to me that anything anyone has every said to me. And those words still do.
Our start was rough and fast. With the problems that you were having with Aaron (sorry, I really felt that I needed to step up that morning as I did) and then the reactions of Peanut and Jimmie, that caused a stress to start. I still believe that Peanut and Jimmie could have gotten past this all had they given me a chance but they failed both of us in that. I know that not seeing the kids has hurt deeply because I could see how much they meant to you and how much you meant to them.
I did not want this type of a start for us. I was close to having my own place so that we could slowly work towards building a relationship instead of being in each others faces right from the start. Face it, crap happens and when things fell apart for me with Sue and she became more abusive I knew that day that I had to get out before I cracked. God bless you for being as loving, understanding and supportive as you were that day.
We had some misunderstandings about the way things were to
be done around here. We had both been
independent in our lives for years and this was a period of major adjustments
for both of us. This can be difficult to adjust to even under the best of
circumstances. Like you said, it will be interesting with two smartasses under
one roof. I do believe that you totally misunderstood my comment about thanking
you for allowing me into your life when I got the word that
You were at the time going thru a stressful time with your job at Paragon. I knew as well as you did that you needed to get out of there as fast as possible. I am going thru the same with the store right now and am working to make the same transition to a new job for my own sanity. Office politics are difficult to deal with and I think you can see where it has put me. I am now where you were in September. You know that I need to get away from this as badly as you did from Paragon. I will but I need to focus on my health first.
I think that my jog out of the ER was seen wrongly also. All I was trying to do was get away from there and get across a wet and cold parking lot quickly. This whole incident was an eye opener for me about taking better care of myself. Frankly it scared the hell out of me and told me that I need to make some changes if I am going to be around. Believe me I intend to be around until I am a pain in the ass to my grandchildren. You were absolutely right in pushing me to get to the doctor and my stubbornness showed in not doing it sooner. Now I have to deal with it and I think you can see that I am. Trust me when I say that I am scared to death about this but know it must be dealt with. I would hope that you understand what I am going thru with this as much as I have been supportive of you as you have dealt with your health problems. This was not some feeble attempt at gaining sympathy or attention from you and I appreciate you being there for me on Sunday. I could see the concern in your eyes as they loaded me in the squad (and the tears).
Should I have called for help sooner last weekend? Definitely yes but I was scared and confused about I was going thru. I really did not know if it was the flu or something major. I did not intend to wait much longer before I called the squad on myself when you came in. Your presence made a world of difference to me and when I touched you hand at the hospital it was only to say thanks for the support and for being there for me, nothing more. If you took it differently I am truly sorry.
Understand that I love you and Sugar with all my heart. Both of you have brought me tremendous joy the past couple months. I saw that dog as a way for us to share something together. I will miss being around both of you and hope that someday soon you allow me the time to visit both of you and to talk but for now you will have her to yourself. I suspect that you will see her looking for me ( I have seen her looking for you and crying when you are not here) , pat her on the head and hug her and tell that Daddy is thinking of her and loves her also. Now that you will have to deal with her full time you will see what a handful she can be at times. Believe me, it was not just your things that she chewed on, I just told myself that it was the puppy in her and let it pass. I did load the picture frame (that frame was YOUR gift from your daughter and it should stay with you) with all the pictures that I took of her for you. I can print any of them that you would like at anytime. Things will be rough on her (I am seeing it already and suspect that she knows something is happening here) as she will now be locked in her cage for 12 hours a day at times and I have also seen what it does to her when you are not here for her. This will not really fair to her but this is the consequences of what has happened here. I suspect that she will be a wild beast when she gets out after doing this the first few times.
I have to tell you also that I am dealing with the car issue
and hope to have this taken care of within the next month or so. I have a plan
that has already been put into action that fixes that whole mess. I was honest
and up front about this from the beginning and at first it was not an issue. I
know the problems that this could have caused you and I was very careful any
time I drove your car to make sure that nothing happened. I never went any
where that I didn't tell you about and can only hope that you did not view this
as taking advantage of you. That was not my intent. Getting this done will be a
major step for me and will allow me the freedoms that I have had to go without
since my privileges were removed by CSEA (I am still trying to figure out the
legal authority behind doing this without a hearing as they have done). This is
just one step in the plan for changes in the future fight to correct the
justice system and
I do not want this friendship to end with my moving out. You have been a very important part of my life (before and after moving in) and frankly I have never had any one understand me like you have or show me the love that I had always hoped I could find. I have always tried to be here for you and will continue to do the same in the future. There is absolutely nothing I would not do for you and I would hope that you realize that. I hope that time apart will help both of to see our situation more clearly and that we can sit down and talk thru the problems and work at some point towards a relationship that we both know we deserve. You are the last for me and if that is where it ends then that is God's Will. Please do not allow this to end over some silly misunderstandings and missteps that we just didn't take the time to work on for fear for offending each other. We are both bigger than that and I do want you to see the happiness that you have brought me. We both at times hold things back and don't talk when we should, something that we shouldn't do.
When the time comes that you want to talk, please feel free to call me. You will always be welcome in my place. We both have expressed our own personal hopes and dreams and I would like us both to see those thru to the end, whether it is closely together or in some other manner. There were many things I wanted to do around here for you to help like paint the office like you wanted and I wanted to get the trim back up where it is missing in the house. I have a mahogany bar top that I thought could be put in the basement to turn the room there in to a recreation room. You had said that you wanted to frame your grandmother's crochet pieces so you could hang them, which I could do for you easily. We talked about things for the outside but never came up with a plan on that. That's what buying tools (on hold for now) would have done for me; give me something to work on. I will always be available to you in any way shape or form. All you have to do is ask. I can not image my life without you in it but it will be up to you to reach out to me when the time is right for you. We can work thru this but it will take work by both of us together. Let's not let our stubbornness get in the way.
As I sit here I have to reflect back on some of the subtle things that you said to me. One thing was comment about the bed not being big enough for the three of us and then said something about putting a larger bed of the floor so we had room. Dumb ass me, I have the larger bed (queen size) sitting in storage with a frame and headboard that would have given us that additional space. We could have solved that problem easily. Hindsight is always twenty/twenty isn't it?
The day shortly before Christmas, when I saw you buy the flowers at Acme and not say what they were for. I knew what they were for before you told me that you wanted to go to the cemetery. When you told me later and I offered to go, you said no but we left it open. Later you asked and I said yes because I wanted to be there for you. I know how difficult the holidays are for you because they are the same for me.
This was the first Christmas that I have enjoyed in many years and I have no one to thank for that but you. I saw the gifts that you gave me as truly from the heart. I hope that you realize the thought that went into picking yours and that those were from my heart as well. I wish that you would wear the necklace more as it does look very nice on you. Remember when I told you that I had picked your birthday gift? It was to be the earrings that match that necklace. Some day I will get them for you when you are ready.
When you decide it is time to complete the tattoo, remember that I have said that I would go with you. It took us a long time to hit on that design and I do want to see that thru when you are ready. I like what we did on this together and I will be there for you when you are ready. This is proof that we are capable of working together.
I have one huge favor to ask you and I am asking this solely because I know what my moving will do to you. Do not quit the store because of me. You will need that extra money that you do not have with me here. It may be awkward at first to see each other there but we are mature enough to handle it. You do need the time away from there to recharge your batteries after working 60 hours a week for two years and frankly this has been a major concern for me as I see it as a detriment to you health. I have seen a resurgence of your energy in the past couple weeks as you have taken time off and I know this has been good for you. That is why I encouraged it and tried to help in any way possible to see that you got the time away without having to quit. Had we remained together I would have told you to quit because we could have gotten by without that little extra with both our incomes. Now you are right back to where you were before I moved in. Funny how this finally came out of you on Thursday night when I saw it a long time ago. You need to get in touch with Dave very soon so that you get your hours back and get back to working the 60 hour weeks that I see as being bad for you, but you will need the money now. This is why I offered to up my rent a short time ago.
The rumor mill will be rampant at work and I think the best way to deal with it is to ignore it. I intend to just answer that my private affairs are that and none of their business and I would hope that you would do the same. I intend to answer my health questions by simply saying that this was wake up call for me and that I am dealing with it with my doctor. I am not touching the move issue.
You asked me why I continue to work on wed site designs when I told you that I have enough money from working at the store. To be honest about it, I enjoy the challenge that these present me. It is fun to see ones finished works published and available for the world to see. I suppose this goes back to my high school and college art training and where theater was my large format in college, the internet has become my large format now. I don't need the money and I do not charge nearly what my services are worth. Of course with hours cut at the store right now, one would be nice.
We have experienced a lot of firsts together. We know what they are and don't need to labor on some of them. Lets not let this move and misunderstandings stop us from having more of these in the future. You mean too much to me for it to end here. We can work our problems out when the time is right for you and I will be there for you when you do decide that the time is right, be it as a friend or more. No rushing into anything if you decide that you want it to be more the second time, please, that is a mistake that we made before and it does not need to be made again. We made too many plans for the future that for now will be on hold as something we do together but I will be there to help you with any of them in any way possible.
You have shown me what love is. This is something that has been missing from my life for a long time. Your efforts to contact Kevan and try to meet with him showed me that you would have been a great mother and I wish that I had met you at a time in our lives when we could have made that happen for you. I know that it bothers you that you never had children and I can understand that completely. You have seen clearly the pain that I have gone thru by not being allowed to see my son for the past three years. We would have made great parents together and I would hope that you see it in your heart to be at my side when the time comes for me to become a grandparent (something I hope is years away). Kevan did tell me that he is still trying to find a way to meet with you so that this effort can be completed. He also told me that he will be mailing me some of his senior pictures which I will share with you when I get them.
I never viewed myself as too good for you; in retrospect you may be too good for me. You are my equal and sole mate in many ways. Our views are similar and approaches to life are very close together. You have been a sounding board for me with the problems of work and I hope that I was the same. We have shared some deep dark secrets from our past and those will remain with me as that, secrets. You know about me than another that has been in my life at anytime. There are things that I confided to you from my past that have left me with deep scars. These came out in conversation because I trust you and felt that you needed to hear some of the events that shaped my part and have deeply effected who I have become. Many of these I have suppressed for years and telling you brought a sense of relief to me to let them out. Your friendship and love is what allowed me to do that and it helped tremendously. I know that what you told me was difficult also and I appreciate your having confidence in me to tell me. If we had only talked about everything in this manner.
As to the handshake that I did not return. With you this is a major sign of disrespect and I agree. I may not like Bo or what he is doing to you mentally at this point but I would never show anyone that type of disrespect, no matter what my personal feelings are. And I hope that you realize that. The hand was not extended to me or I would have returned it no matter who you are or what my personal feeling are about a person. I do apologize for this misunderstanding.
Right now there are more than a few people that are very concerned about. You are not the Tami that we have all learned to love, appreciate and be around. You are not acting like yourself and that is influencing some of my reactions to some things that are happening between the two of us. I did not mean to snap at you when I came in Saturday and that was uncalled for. It was a bad day at work and I should not have taken it out on you. I was sick Friday night with the screaming craps and then threw up in the morning. You know I can be pissy (I get that way when I am sick but so do you) but that was not even right for me. I have seen behaviors from you that are totally out of the normal for you and to me it all seems to come from the influences of this "friend" of yours. You act very different after being around him and this really showed itself last Sunday. You were kind and understanding when you dropped me off and then you went to lunch. It is almost like he put it in your head that I was playing you so that you would throw me out so that his threat was gone. You did a 180 degree turn around from earlier in the day. You spent time with me and been your loving self and then come from being with him and be almost hateful. This is not good for you and not like you. You have always been one of the most loving and caring people that I know.
This influence I the effort to hurt me has now put you in a bad situation that will hurt you for a long time to come. It has forced you back to where you were before I moved in and you will now have to work to just stay even. It has closed your eyes to what good I think you saw had come to your life and the possibilities. While I hear you say that you love him, you will find out that he won't have the patience or the desire to deal with how you are when you are used up and tired. I did because of how I feel about you. I told you this before but I will say it again, he will pass from your life as soon as he tires of what comes, and that time will not be that far from now. I never told you that life with me would be a rose garden but there is nothing that we could not have worked on to make things better. When the crash comes, I would hope that you have the sense to call for a shoulder to lean on because it will be there. The only good thing for me is that I will not have to witness the crash in person and it will take me being away from you for you to finally see that what I have told you is true.
The new apartment is small but I will survive as it will only be me. Plenty of room for a sofa, Chair, TV, stereo in the living room and the bedroom will easily hold my bed and chest of drawers and will have to double as an office for now as that is the best phone line. You are welcome at anytime and my numbers have not changed. Going to take a little time to get everything moved in and I am planning on bunking on the floor until I can get my furniture out of storage. Hot shower in the morning will help the sore back and looks like it will be back to a definite stretching route to limber up. When I get everything done, you will be welcome to come over for dinner. I can cook.
I will keep you informed as to what I learn from the tests that I am having done when I get results. I saw the concern on your face Sunday and I feel you deserve to know just what the out come is here. Definitely going to get me to slow down a bit at work and stay put in my own department until I know just what is going on and where John wants to go as far as treatment.
I have left you the "Speechless" print as a birthday gift, a bit early but then I may not get to see you on your special day. You liked this from the first time you saw it and commented as such. It will look better hanging on your office wall then on any wall I have right now.
I will get you the Udder Cream as soon as I can and will drop it off or put it in your locker at work or I may just have them send it here for you. I have to cross that bridge when I get there. I did plant the bulb that Shirley gave you and it is in the office. You may want to move it to somewhere that it gets some more light (top of the microwave may serve this purpose for now) as spring approaches here. It will need to have a bit of water to keep the soil moist.
I have included a key in the envelope in the office to my new place should you need it or want to stop by and surprise me. You will always be welcome.
New address is:
Phone numbers have not changed and landline is to be on Monday and off here. Internet to follow for me shortly. I have filed a change of address with the post office but you may still get some mail. Please just bring it to me.
I came here this past fall broken and worn out. I barely had enough energy to stand up and function or as you say, if breathing wasn"t a reflex action I would be dead. You helped me to regain my energy and recharged me and brought me back to being the person that I can be. I have new energy to go about the legal fights and work on getting legislation passed that will benefit my son and his generation. I will win this fight one way or another. I am going down swinging if that is what it takes. You have given me the strength to do this and I will love you for ever for doing that. I would like you at my side at the first major victory party, when it happens. When I told you what I was going to do, your first concern was that I didn't get hurt in this. I have already been hurt so they can not do any more to me. Now is the time for me to strike back so that my son does not get hurt in the future. This is the revolution that will not be televised but it will make an impact of the world. I had given up until you came into my life and now is the time to go back to work. Time alone will do that for me. Look out the boys are back in town and we are fighting mad and we are not going to stand for this unequal treatment any more.
In a resent talk you admitted to me that you don't know why you have turned your back on the only man to ever treat you like gold. Frankly you are gold to me and one of the most precious people that I have every met. I know that I hit a nerve with the last note and I am sorry if it offended you but I needed you to hear it. You are the most special person to ever cross my path and when I said that you are the last for me, I did mean. I have seen a change in your eating habits of late like you are trying to do something to change your looks. You are perfect as you are and I find you to be the most beautiful woman to have ever crossed my path. I told you that in one of the first notes that I passed to you back in July. You have an incredible body and you have more than met my hopes in the love making department. You worried that you could not meet my needs between the sheets. Honey you are and will remain the most incredible woman I have ever been with. Do not try to change yourself on the misguided notion that this will help you keep this guy around. If he can not accept you for yourself then it is his problem and not yours.
I can not face this heart break again so there is no reason to risk it with anyone but you and only if you decide that you want to try to work things out. You are the only true love of my life and that will remain with me for the remainder of my days (which I hope are many). This is the hurt that will take a long time to get over because I do Love you as much as I do. Watching you lately, I can see a train wreck about to happen and it is killing me to watch it up close because I can see what you have gotten yourself into. When it happens I will be there for you and I will help you pick up the pieces but that will take you reaching out for my help. Please do not be afraid to do so. I will not rub your nose in it and tell you that I saw it. I will be there to support you as I have been in the past because I love you as a person and because of how special you are to me. I am a better man than that and you are a much better woman also.
The past couple days I have felt like you have wanted to say something to me but that you have avoided it, I see it in your eyes. I know you are tired but you have just sat there with the look on your face like you have something to say but are afraid to say it. I have wanted to talk to you about the move but you have walked away and this has bothered me. I dont know if this is the realization of what these changes will bring upon yourself or what, but you will not have an easy time here in the near future dealing with a lot of things that I have done around here. Much of what I have done has gone unnoticed but you will feel that with an added workload around the house. I will financially recover from this move faster than you will from my not being here. We both know that and you have admitted it. If the time comes that you see this, I would come back to help but we would need to talk this thru first, and there would be rules. I may have a year long lease but the deposit money is just money and to help you, that would be a loss that I would gladly take. But this is all up to you.
I didnt feel this much pain with the loss of my father, grandmother and the only thing that has come close is the loss of my son. He will be back in my life shortly and I would like you to go to his graduation with me this next June when he graduates. That would be a special honor to me to have you there at my side and for him when that happens. Please think about this and we will talk about this closer to the time.
We have both hurt each other needlessly over the past couple months. Small missteps that could have been easily recovered from, small misunderstandings that could have been talked thru, all it would have taken is a bit of humble pie on both our parts. All things that did not need to happen and could be avoided in the future. Time apart may help both of us to see more clearly but I will always be available for you to talk or for a shoulder to cry on. I may need a shoulder some day also. I dont expect you to reciprocate but it would be nice to know that it is there.
I love you with all my heart and will miss being near you every day. Take good care of yourself and my daughter and I hope to hear from you very soon.
This was written in
anger, unfortunately, but the words do ring true about the position she has put
herself in. I wanted her to see just how ridiculous this situation has gotten
and the trap that she has fallen into.
Tami,
Here is your picture frame as I promised. All pictures with myself and Kevan have been removed and all you should have to do to make this work is plug it in. At worst you will have to push the enter button on the top a couple times to get it to start. This was from your daughter so I expect that you would want it and use it. If you are not going to use it or accept its return, give it to me privately.
Frankly last night you crossed a major line with me. You have gotten on me about respect in ones home, well showing at my door to return the print that I gave you with Bo in tow was a major show of disrespect to me. I will accept that you are refusing the birthday gift (looking at the gifts you gave me hurts but I will get past it) but he had no right to speak to me or threaten me in the manner that he did. That is disrespect to me and to you also (but then he has no manners or respect any way). You may accept this behavior from him but I do not accept it from you as you have too much class for that. This was a private matter between you and me and you should have known better than to allow or encourage his interference. You told me I was over the top. Maybe, but I will not tolerant this type of behavior or threats no matter who it is from and I will react every time. You should damn well know that I will stand my ground against it now as I have in the past.
My phone call to you was to inform you of what was about to happen to Robin and give you the heads up on that situation and intended to be nothing more and as I told you I did not expect you to answer your cell at work. When the line went dead I called back because I figured that my cell lost connection and not to bug you. I would not have called you unless I felt that you needed to know this as soon as I could tell you. Which exactly what I did and all I did.
Bos behavior scares me for you and I see the abusive behavioral traits that those of us familiar with domestic violence have been trained to recognize. First sign is the separation of a person from the people that truly care for them. This has been happening since he appeared the past December and now the circle is complete with him convincing you to remove me completely from your life including anything else I may have given you. Next step is taking over total control and manipulating the mind of that person. He is succeeding at this and I fear for your safety. You have too much class and are way to smart to allow this to happen to yourself but you have fallen for the small trinkets and small talk that he has plied you with. Until this becomes evident to you all the talk in the world from your friends will do no good, just as it has been so far. The type of person he is needs to control the person they claim to care for and will not stop at physical abuse if they feel they are losing control. I get mad, which we both know, but I have never struck a woman and would never do so and I do not strike out unless I am provoked or struck first. Sitting back over the past month and watching one of the most beautiful minds and persons that I ever known be destroyed has been very uneasy and very difficult.
Even your behavior thru my move was not you and I am sure was controlled by his influence. I know you better than that and I know how you were raised and it was not to act the way that you have or did towards me during the move.
At this point I have to worry about Sugars safety around this person in addition to your well being. How many of his animals have died this past month or so? Accidents happen only if you allow them to and controlling ones animals has to be a priority. Should he make further threats against me for talking to you I will have to take action to protect Sugars safety to the full extent that the law does permit me to do.
Frankly you getting a restraining order against me (which I am sure he is telling you to do, part of the control thing) will be a waste because I am done and gone and will only serve to complicate an already difficult situation for both of us. Hell you got a gun and you know how to use it, do you think I am stupid (crazy yes, stupid, no). You can also inform him that talking to a person is not harassment and is grounds for slander should he try to go down that avenue which will result in the loss of the house that he has and all of his possessions. I have said all I will say to you and I am done until you are ready to talk after you wake up to what he is doing to you and are ready to talk in a reasonable manner as an adult. Frankly right now I have too many irons in the fire to deal with this any more and you can not be helped until you decide to help yourself. It is time for me to get to work on the websites that I have to design and legal work I have to do. Add the health issue which I will find out about next Monday morning (if you want to know, call) and getting settled in here, and my plate is FULL.
God had a purpose when he put this group of people and others that I have met thru the years together in the manner that he did and twisting things as he has. He brought me my son as something to fight for and set my purpose in the life. He brought me in contact with Mike and Chuck to help me in the fight for what is fair and equal treatment. How everyone else fits in that purpose really is something that only time will tell. Your presence in my life is there but it just has not been revealed yet to me. If it was to find ourselves or to find true love or to find our real purpose in life, or our calling, that is what time will tell for us. I do know this; you were and never will be a mistake in my life. God had his reason, which is something, that even in our current pissed off state we both know. Everything is a test of his and the results will follow at sometime, at his choosing. This is a test I hope I pass for him, in Jesus name I pray.
I will not contact you but will always be available to you as I have said before when the time comes that you need to talk and that time will come . When you wake up to this, your true friends (Robin [I will be helping her any way I can for fight this BS at the store as I know I am done there] and I) will be there for you but it will be up to you to reach out.
I expect you to show the class that you have and be at least polite at work when we do have to work together as I will be also. There is no need for this fighting and feuding BS as we are both too mature and were too well raised for this to continue. I promised Dave that we could work together after what has gone on and I would hope that I have told him correctly in speaking for the two of us in this manner.
The final thing that I have given her is a going away card
as she he has now completed his separation of her from all that truly care for
her as she has quit the store. This is income she needs badly and support. I
found a beautiful card and handwrote the following note to her in it.
You have no idea how much you will be missed here by all. I, and the rest, hate to see you leave and hope that is only for a while.
You and I have caused each other a lot of needless pain over the past month. I am truly sorry for that. This will pass for me and I hope that it does for you also. I can only hope and pray at some point you want to sit and talk. I will always be there for you as I have been in the past. All you have to do is ask.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers every day because you are a truly beautiful and special person.
You will always be the Babe of Hardware .
Stay in touch.
Time to pray for her safety and well being but I can only
hope for now.
